The first guy I ever fell in love with, the one I gave EVERYTHING to when I was fifteen, the one that got away. I still love him. What’s worse is that he’s my best friend now. The way he looks at me… I know he feels the same. He has this wall up where he won’t let anyone in. He even confessed to me that he felt himself becoming attached to me, so he flipped the fuck out. He yelled at me for talking to him to much, as if it was my fault. I know that most of you reading this will probably think that he’s a player. He’s not though. He’s sweet but he doesn’t know it, kind-hearted even though he tries to pretend otherwise, he’s gentle, he’s good looking, understanding, and he knows me better than I know myself. I just wish he would take down the walls he has built around himself and realize that I’m the perfect girl for him. I know it sounds conceited, but no one knows him better than I do. That’s the truth. No one sticks around long enough to see the man behind the mask he has. I compare every guy to him. I didn’t notice it at first, but I do. I have tried to move on and when I realized that all I was did was think about him, I ended it.
I don’t expect anyone to read this, I basically turned this space on the internet into my own personal diary. It’s just nice to express what’s in my head and in my heart somewhere. I feel a little bit better now that I wrote everything out. No one knows what the future holds. I’ll figure things out eventually.